Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Eating My Way Into The Future

My work at the hospital ended last Friday and my new position begins on Monday.  This week, I'm attending the Health Care Improvement training that accompanies the project that is both over my head and, as of yet, out of reach.  Life is weird here in the 'transition hallway.' 

Of course, I can't focus on a damn thing and my irritation - at everything, basically - is up.  For example, during today's lecture, claustrophobia sets in.  I think I might jump up and throw chairs just to create space from other people, especially the woman behind me that smells like mothballs.  After lunch, I actually do move to the back of the room (quietly, with no chair throwing) so I can stand around, go to the bathroom or wander outside to watch the foot traffic when the talk of statistics gets too heavy.

And speaking of lunch, I'm eating everything in sight.  At my training, each meal is catered by a downtown restaurant and I have simply lost my mind over food.  For example, early this morning we have a huge array of fruit, bagels, breakfast burritos and biscuit/bacon/egg/cheese sandwiches.  For lunch, we have black bean and mushroom ravioli, salad with spiced walnuts, beets and feta cheese plus a variety of desserts.  I go back for seconds.

Don't even ask about between meal snacks. 

My eating-everything-that's-not-tied-down mode may be connected to the fact that I'm feeling a little anxious as I approach my new job.  What, exactly, will it look like?  How long will I feel like a newbie?  And tonight, I'm also asking myself, why am I so driven?  What, exactly, am I hoping to achieve?  I'm constantly pushing boundaries, seeking opportunities and putting myself out there in a way that is, at times, exhausting.  But it's also what keeps me excited about my work.  After all, believing in the Next Big Thing is fundamental to my career plan.

Like winning a bagel and ravioli eating contest.

image from esltogo.wordpress.com

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I Need A New Work Perfume

Predicted response to my new office perfume
 Yesterday, all day - ALL DAY - I searched two of my 'biggest one-day sale ever' perfume sites and tried to choose a new work scent.  A new job deserves a new perfume, don't you think?  Besides that, I was cranky and didn't want to work on the big project that is looming...that's completely over my head...that I was going to overachieve as a way of seeking a new promotion.

Now that I got the promotion, the project can bite me.  Albatross comes to mind.

Last time I was at the corporate office (scene of my new job), a sign in the bathroom said, 'please don't spray perfume or put on scented lotion in this restroom.'  Bummer. Who's the princess that gets the vapors from a little Shalimar?  Up until now, I haven't given much thought to what others might think of my perfume.

'Oh, right, the world's greatest attention whore doesn't care what anyone thinks of her perfume.'

I hate Inner Critic.

Still, I've never spent much time researching perfumes that were office appropriate because then I'd have to check out the Jo Malone line.  Dude, those bottles are hideous.  After reading several websites that said Prada Infusion D'iris was the best office perfume out there, I thought, 'damn, I wish I had a sample of that.'  Then I remembered, 'damn, I do have a sample of that!'

Nope, too girly with a drydown of Aqua Net.

And if one more person suggests D&G Light Blue, I'll snap.

Last week, when Daphne dragged me out for a sniff-fest, I tried Stella Nude by Stella McCartney on a scent strip but not on my skin.  I've never liked the original Stella - too schoolmarm - but Stella Nude?  Could be a contender.

So, help me out here.  What's your favorite light, fresh perfume that is alluring but won't piss everyone off?  And that might last more than 10 minutes?  I haven't bought a new perfume since September of last year, so I'm willing to splurge. I have already told B-man that Saturday will include a sniff-fest somewhere and he'll come with me and he'll like it, too. 

He didn't put up the fight I was hoping for at all.

image from ceiainc.org

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Daphne's Back

I've changed...again.  Last week, compelled by God knows what, I decided to sift through my boxed up perfumes and put a few of them back into my cabinet.  Still in their boxes, but back nevertheless.  Then, on Tuesday and Wednesday, I wore Caberet by Gres.  Thursday was Un Jardin en Mediterranee.  Friday?  Agent Provocateur.

After work Thursday, my nose, Daphne, begged me for a smell-fest at Sephora and Nordstrom.  So we sniffed one perfume after another until we were both exhausted.  Fortunately, even though it's been months since I did this, I have not lost my marathon ability to smell perfumes for a long period of time.  No coffee beans needed, thank you.   This spray-and-sniff interlude was the most therapeutic thing I have done in a long time. 

Today is a special day, my dad's 80th birthday party.  B-man and I are hosting a small family event, just as Dad requested.  This warrants an amazing perfume, don't you think?  Black Aoud comes to mind...

image from photo-dictionary.com

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Living in Transition

My computer is on the fritz...has been for a few weeks, so I'm using B-man's lap top...which I have used for the past few posts.  Last weekend, B-man and I went shopping for a new computer but I ended up just being 'meh' about it for whatever reason.  I can't get too worked up right now since I'm totally preoccupied with my new job. 

Gearing up for a new job, while winding down from my current position, is exhausting.  Not because I have so much to do (although it has turned out to be a bit crazier than I thought), but because of that whole 'letting go' thing.  The hardest part of that is not to act as excited as I am about moving on.  Whenever anyone asks me about my new role, I indicate my excitement and then always add, 'but, you know, it's hard to leave, too.' 

Such a f**king lie.

Then again, if I say, 'I am so glad to be moving on,' it may not be super cool, either.  So I'm faking it on two fronts, acting like it's hard to go and also pretending I know exactly what I'm going to do in my new position.  At last, I am a true poseur.

But here's the weirdest thing.  Over the past several days, people have come to my office and said, 'can I talk to you before you leave?'  I say, 'sure, what did you want to discuss?'  All have said, in essence, 'I want to know how you moved your career forward consistently over the past eight years, because I want to do that, too.' 

Didn't really see that coming.

So I've been thinking about this and trying to identify exactly what I have done to advance my career three levels during that time.  Because I have taken deliberate steps and can't act like the trajectory has been accidental, although luck and timing have been involved, too.

Dad said, 'why don't you blog about that?'  Maybe I will.

image from sandrophoto.com

Friday, February 3, 2012

Missing My Mom Today

Mom and Dad at their 50th Anniversary party

All day long, I've wanted to cry.  That's partly because I'm exhausted and maxed out with my training, but there's more.   Early this morning, on the way into the city, I suddenly felt Mom close by.  This is hard to describe - the awareness of someone who has died sharing my living space - but I felt her nonetheless.

Because I left home much earlier than usual, I didn't make my morning phone call to Dad.  Later on, I sent him a text just to say I was thinking of him and sending my love.  He texted back, telling me how much he missed Mom today, and how this was the strongest he had felt her since she 'left' (he still rarely uses the word 'died').

Our shared experience of Mom's presence made me wonder if she was around my siblings this morning as well.  We are nearing the two year anniversary of her death, so it wouldn't surprise me if she was strong in our minds and hearts as we remember her last days with us.  Dad said he thinks she is near because she misses us, too.

Feeling close to Mom is always a double-edged sword; it comforts my soul and also reminds me just how far away she really is.

photo from mermaidmusing.blogspot.com


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