Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The World's Worst Shopper

I was born without the shopping gene.  My sisters have it, my mother had it, hell, even B-man has it.  Me?  Nope, I don't have it.  Aren't we supposed to know what we like, what looks good on us and how pieces go together?  Yeah, I don't know any of that.  Plus, I'm claustrophobic (knee high boots and tailored clothes make me crazy) and I have fabric texture issues (wool makes me want to hurt myself). 

This is me at Macy's today on a long lunch break:

I like the shape of that top but I don't do prints
Those skinny pants are cute but they have 'camel toe' written all over them 
Ah, here's a black top that might add to my thousand other black tops
Too bad I don't wear dresses, 'cause I like that one
But if I start wearing dresses, what shoes go with them?
I love that the others I keep buying but never wear
Cute skirt, but what top do I wear with it?
Love that sweater, but what goes under it?
That jacket looks like I'm trying too hard
Hello muffin top
There are too many choices and now I'm overwhelmed
I could buy stuff then take it back
I wonder if B-man would become my personal shopper
He'll try to sneak in a print, I just know it
I could buy the black top just so I don't feel like a loser
Fuck it, I'm leaving

This shopping scenario is the norm, not the exception.   At least I'm certain, once and for all, that my body fits the apple shape profile because I googled it when I got home.  

Now what?

image from


  1. Why don't you wear dresses?! Dresses are great because you don't have to worry about what goes with what, just put on a dress and your outfit is basically done! Dresses almost always look good with low heels, and depending on how awesome your legs are flats often work too, especially slightly pointy flats. I think you should seriously consider rocking a wrap dress.

  2. Elisa, your comment has caused a fashion epiphany! I actually have some cool dresses, but have become so narrow in my 'eww, I don't wear that' brattiness that I forgot about them. My legs rock, if I do say so myself...and after reading your comment, I went back to Macy's and bought some elegant Calvin Klein boots that will be amazing with skirts and dresses. Thank you so much for shaking me out of my fashion coma!

  3. Oh, that makes me so happy! Dresses and skirts show off nice boots better than jeans can.

  4. Don't worry about the camel toe. Dudes digg'em :)



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