Things People Say In The Elevator

Tonight after work - okay, I leave work early so it isn't actually night - I get in the elevator to go to the parking garage and another woman gets on who is headed for the lobby.  I know who she is, but we don't have cause to interact much.  She is a large woman probably around my age...mid to late 50's, and she walks with a limp, like she has a bad hip or one leg that is longer than the other.

We both say hello and then this conversation happens:

Her: I'm going for my last electrolysis treatment this evening.

I look at her, raise my eyebrows slightly and nod like I'm interested.

Her: I have a full goatee (she strokes her face where a goatee would be) and I'm used to taking an hour and a half every weekend to pluck it with tweezers.

Me: Oh, wow. (This is my go-to phrase when I don't know what the hell else to say.)

Her: I've already had five treatments and this will be my sixth.  After five times I only have a few stray hairs left (her head is tipped back and she is stroking her chin - I'm afraid she will ask me to touch it).

Me: Wow, that's great. (I can't stop saying wow.)

Her: It doesn't really hurt - well, for 15 seconds - except for last time when my face was red after the treatment.

Where's the effing lobby?

Her: Plus, it only cost $400.  Four hundred dollars well spent!

Me: That's so great. (I can't stop saying that's great.)

Finally, the bell dings and the doors open.  She steps out of the elevator but won't stop talking.

Her: Look, this is my only vanity.  I don't wear makeup, I don't do anything to my hair, (now louder as the door closes) but I do have electrolysis on my face!

I smile and nod knowing goatee I will never goatee see her again goatee without thinking goatee about her goatee.  

Wow.

Photo from lovewitness.com