My work at the hospital ended last Friday and my new position begins on Monday. This week, I'm attending the Health Care Improvement training that accompanies the project that is both over my head and, as of yet, out of reach. Life is weird here in the 'transition hallway.'
Of course, I can't focus on a damn thing and my irritation - at everything, basically - is up. For example, during today's lecture, claustrophobia sets in. I think I might jump up and throw chairs just to create space from other people, especially the woman behind me that smells like mothballs. After lunch, I actually do move to the back of the room (quietly, with no chair throwing) so I can stand around, go to the bathroom or wander outside to watch the foot traffic when the talk of statistics gets too heavy.
And speaking of lunch, I'm eating everything in sight. At my training, each meal is catered by a downtown restaurant and I have simply lost my mind over food. For example, early this morning we have a huge array of fruit, bagels, breakfast burritos and biscuit/bacon/egg/cheese sandwiches. For lunch, we have black bean and mushroom ravioli, salad with spiced walnuts, beets and feta cheese plus a variety of desserts. I go back for seconds.
Don't even ask about between meal snacks.
My eating-everything-that's-not-tied-down mode may be connected to the fact that I'm feeling a little anxious as I approach my new job. What, exactly, will it look like? How long will I feel like a newbie? And tonight, I'm also asking myself, why am I so driven? What, exactly, am I hoping to achieve? I'm constantly pushing boundaries, seeking opportunities and putting myself out there in a way that is, at times, exhausting. But it's also what keeps me excited about my work. After all, believing in the Next Big Thing is fundamental to my career plan.
Like winning a bagel and ravioli eating contest.
image from esltogo.wordpress.com
Stress does crazy things to us..take care, okay?
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that "eat everything in sight" mood. It comes over me sometimes when I have so many things on my "to do" list, that I don't know where to start, and start on the contents of the fridge instead!
ReplyDeleteGood luck settling into your new role - it does sound like a biggie.
Hi Frida - thanks for your advice! As the week went on, I was able to get a bit more centered, especially around food. But you're right, stress can do weird things to us...always great to see you.
ReplyDeleteHi Vanessa - glad other people have this 'eating everything in sight' response sometimes. And yes, it's usually related to feeling overwhelmed. Thanks for the good luck wishes - I'll need it!
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