Friday, June 6, 2014
How I Pick My Favorite Food Network Stars
It's Freedom Friday here because I'm trying to give myself more time to relax and do nothing. One of my favorite 'nothings' is zoning out to Food Network. "Chopped" is my NFL.
Rachael Ray was my first Food Network crush years ago. She was energetic about all things foody and got me saying EVOO and YUMMO to the point that I annoyed even B-man, which is near impossible (we call him 'Jobie' at home because he has the patience of...well, you get it). Plus, she was just the right amount of chubby to be both cute and legitimate as a chef. About my level of chubby, as I remember.
Since then, my size has fluctuated in both directions and I've noticed an interesting pattern: My body size determines my favorite Food Network star.
For example, Giada De Laurentiis gets on my last nerve unless I'm feeling quite small, in which case I love her. Right now, she's a skinny little bitch. Maybe one reason she's so skinny is because she makes itty bitty hors de oeuvres that have 25 steps resulting in a bite the size of a dime. I get anxious watching the process and can hardly get through a show without saying out loud, 'just eat it fer chrissake!' Her big smile scares me.
When I'm feeling larger, I warm up to Barefoot Contessa, in spite of her gremlin giggle after everything she says. It's not that funny, Ina, and we don't enjoy your show more if you're laughing. At least she cooks for people who actually like to eat, and her husband, Jeffrey, keeps it real by eating nothing but chicken. Plus, she makes being fat okay. Oh, come on, she's successful, she has a killer house in the Hamptons and you know she's got a great wine cellar. And Jeffrey comes home fromYale every weekend to get a little sumthin' sumthin' and keep the magic alive. In order to sleep soundly, I'm going to assume that's food.
Nigella Lawson is my favorite star of the moment because it looks like she could go either way by getting smaller or larger. But maybe she's found her groove, who knows? I love that she relishes food and eats with her hands and licks the bowl and takes big bites. No dime sized food for her and no gremlin giggle. Plus, she survived a divorce scandal which must have been traumatic now that we all know she got choked and smoked marijuana, not necessarily in that order. This might account for the bowl-licking. We're both post-trauma middle aged women finding comfort in food. Nigella is definitely my favorite Food Network star.
Until she's not.
Photo from bookpassage.com