Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Things People Say In The Elevator
Tonight after work - okay, I leave work early so it isn't actually night - I get in the elevator to go to the parking garage and another woman gets on who is headed for the lobby. I know who she is, but we don't have cause to interact much. She is a large woman probably around my age...mid to late 50's, and she walks with a limp, like she has a bad hip or one leg that is longer than the other.
We both say hello and then this conversation happens:
Her: I'm going for my last electrolysis treatment this evening.
I look at her, raise my eyebrows slightly and nod like I'm interested.
Her: I have a full goatee (she strokes her face where a goatee would be) and I'm used to taking an hour and a half every weekend to pluck it with tweezers.
Me: Oh, wow. (This is my go-to phrase when I don't know what the hell else to say.)
Her: I've already had five treatments and this will be my sixth. After five times I only have a few stray hairs left (her head is tipped back and she is stroking her chin - I'm afraid she will ask me to touch it).
Me: Wow, that's great. (I can't stop saying wow.)
Her: It doesn't really hurt - well, for 15 seconds - except for last time when my face was red after the treatment.
Where's the effing lobby?
Her: Plus, it only cost $400. Four hundred dollars well spent!
Me: That's so great. (I can't stop saying that's great.)
Finally, the bell dings and the doors open. She steps out of the elevator but won't stop talking.
Her: Look, this is my only vanity. I don't wear makeup, I don't do anything to my hair, (now louder as the door closes) but I do have electrolysis on my face!
I smile and nod knowing goatee I will never goatee see her again goatee without thinking goatee about her goatee.
Photo from lovewitness.com