Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween and Aliens

Over the years, I have developed a method of measuring life's absurdities by asking a simple question: 

What would aliens think? 

Many activities have been put through this test, including amusement parks, Olympic curling and Halloween.

Perhaps UFO encounters are less about an invasion and more about aliens bringing their friends to watch and ask each other, WTF?

Regarding Halloween, I am clearly in the Alien Camp.

Even if they do have big heads.

As far as I can tell, this holiday is the culmination of ancient Celtic beliefs and practices that just got weirder over time.

And trick-or-treating?  That should be outlawed, not only because it's dangerous, but because it's so annoying. 

B-man - affable dude that he is - actually kind of enjoys trick-or-treaters.  Once, several years ago, a crowd of kids gathered on the porch, ready to ring the doorbell.  B-man was ready for them and opened the door quickly as a way of being fun-scary, which terrified a four-year-old, who ran back toward the sidewalk. 

'Yo scared me when yo did that!' she yelled back at him.

This will make you feel like an asshole quicker than just about anything.

At work, one of my departments is dressing up like cereal boxes and another like Cat In The Hat characters. 

A pre-emptive root canal comes to mind as an alternative. 

I don't dress up for Halloween - it makes me feel stupid.  It made me feel stupid as a kid.  If not for my big sister, I may have skipped the trick-or-treating ordeal altogether.  Thanks to her, at least I got the candy. 

Do you love Halloween?  A lot of people do.  I totally get it.

That's a lie.

Okay, I understand it.

Wow, not true either.

How about, I tolerate Halloween the best I can and spend the day - and night - wondering, WTF?

Yup, that's it.

And my head's not even that big.

 Picture from


  1. Because I'm a kinda/semi-pagan, I'm not thrilled w/Halloween - but I do like the trick-or-treaters because they're so cute - and I think it's silly when adults dress up but that's probably because I have a difficult time being silly.

    But it's different now - back when I was a kid, most kids didn't get candy all the time, so the only time you got candy was on Halloween/Christmas/Easter and that was a BIG deal!

  2. Hi Frida - For whatever reason, Halloween is lost on me. Although, what you're saying is true - it used to be the only time we really splurged on candy!

  3. The trick-or-treat ritual came over from America relatively recently, I think. In Britain the Guy Fawkes celebration on 5th November was the main event with bonfires and fireworks, and kids would stand outside shops and collect "a penny for the guy", which was code for their firework fund. Now we have the door to door confectionery scrounging AND the grocery store loiterers.

    I used to object to both festivals because they scared our cats. Now we only have one left and she is mercifully deaf - probably the only day of the year she is glad she is deaf - or would be if she could hear!

  4. hahaa Bonfire Night - a brit friend here has one every year - this year I'm making a little King James doll to burn! :)

  5. As Flittersniffer said, Halloween has only really caught on in the UK fairly recently, but it is becoming more and more popular. This is the first year my family is doing anything for Halloween, as our two young daughters are just at that age when I think they'll enjoy it. My wife has been making witches costumes and we are going to carve a pumpkin together (let's hope I don't chop off any appendages!). I'm looking forward to it, but more for their sake than ours.

  6. Michael your children will love it - it's definitely a lot of fun for kids!

  7. Flitter, it sounds like your cat has the ideal condition for this holiday! Paige also gets anxious when a lot of people come to the door. Her instincts kick in and she paces around, wanting to herd them all together.

  8. Michael - Bloody Frida is right. You will enjoy the event with your young children. Plus, it sounds like your wife is creative in making costumes!

    Hope you survived the pumkin carving. I am allergic to pumpkin insides, which may have also contributed to my dread of the holiday.

  9. Being allergic to pumpkin would definitely stifle Halloween enjoyment. That's too bad, but it will be over soon. I love Halloween. I love the spooky imagery, love the jack-'o-lanterns, love the creativity and liberation of dressing up, love the parties, and think the kids a cute. I still remember the excitement of running through the dark with my sister, carrying pillow cases of candy and wearing masks. I was at a Halloween party last night (dressed as a zombie bride) and the same subject came up, "why do we love halloween" and we decided it was because it was like christmas but without any of the tiring family obligations ot the need to buy gifts.

  10. kjanicki - I would love to have seen you dressed as a zombie bride!

    The way you feel about Halloween is almost exactly the way I feel about Thanksgiving (minus the spooky imagery, etc.) A holiday that is about food, people and gratitude? Can't get much better than that.

    Nevertheless, a very Happy Halloween to you!



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