Over the years, I have developed a method of measuring life's absurdities by asking a simple question:
What would aliens think?
Many activities have been put through this test, including amusement parks, Olympic curling and Halloween.
Perhaps UFO encounters are less about an invasion and more about aliens bringing their friends to watch and ask each other, WTF?
Regarding Halloween, I am clearly in the Alien Camp.
Even if they do have big heads.
As far as I can tell, this holiday is the culmination of ancient Celtic beliefs and practices that just got weirder over time.
And trick-or-treating? That should be outlawed, not only because it's dangerous, but because it's so annoying.
B-man - affable dude that he is - actually kind of enjoys trick-or-treaters. Once, several years ago, a crowd of kids gathered on the porch, ready to ring the doorbell. B-man was ready for them and opened the door quickly as a way of being fun-scary, which terrified a four-year-old, who ran back toward the sidewalk.
'Yo scared me when yo did that!' she yelled back at him.
This will make you feel like an asshole quicker than just about anything.
At work, one of my departments is dressing up like cereal boxes and another like Cat In The Hat characters.
A pre-emptive root canal comes to mind as an alternative.
I don't dress up for Halloween - it makes me feel stupid. It made me feel stupid as a kid. If not for my big sister, I may have skipped the trick-or-treating ordeal altogether. Thanks to her, at least I got the candy.
Do you love Halloween? A lot of people do. I totally get it.
That's a lie.
Okay, I understand it.
Wow, not true either.
How about, I tolerate Halloween the best I can and spend the day - and night - wondering, WTF?
Yup, that's it.
And my head's not even that big.
Picture from ktcatspost.blogspot.com