Seriously, I have got to stop buying perfume.
I'm on a bender.
In the last month alone, I have purchased five full bottles. But that's only because those demon online perfume stores keep sending me discount coupons. Otherwise, I would certainly be more responsible.
Instead of A Perfumista Run Amok.
Last night, B-man and I attended a fund raiser for our local Ronald McDonald House. Every year, I hope to find one magic basket among the silent auction items.
At times, I have fallen victim to baskets that are somewhat less magical. (This might be a good time to mention that alcohol flows freely all evening.)
You have no idea how much useless crap I have stashed in the Smellie Room from silent auctions past. There's only so much regifting one can do, after all.
For example, last year I bought a square wicker box of 'Beach Reading' novels, certain it would make a perfect gift for...God knows who.
In fairness, I have also scored some great perfumes, lavender products for Baby Sis (lavender is her thing), and a very cool artificial plant for my office.
But last night, as I wandered among the rooms of auction items, I felt discouraged and uninspired. Then, suddenly, there it was, my basket of the year, luring me with the following items:
D&G Le Bateleur
D&G La Roue de la Fortune
Boucheron by Boucheron
Donna Karan Cashmere Mist
Gold make-up bag by Donna Karan
Like a tiger stalking its prey, I paced back and forth, eyeballing the contents and the number attached to the only bid on the card. Mentally, I calculated how far I would go in the bidding with the justification that it's a once-a-year thing and the cause is important.
Still, I didn't want to appear eager. 'When the time is right,' I told myself, 'I will pounce.'
But first, I had to silence Inner Critic, who was doing all he could to shame me out of buying the pricey item. Of course, he hit below the belt by bringing up my still-wrapped 'Beach Reading' basket.
Nice try, asshole.
As the auction wound down, and the time to enter a final bid got nearer, I started to panic, uncertain I could maintain my cool facade. At that point, I decided to employ a spy of great stealth and nonchalance who always closes the deal: B-man.
We huddled briefly and discussed the top end of my bid, which had risen considerably due to the two glasses of wine I had consumed in the past hour.
My competitive juices were flowing and I was emboldened with the recurring thought of, 'that bitch is mine.' B-man got the importance of this quest immediately. He gave me a mischievous smile and said, 'after all, it's for a good cause.'
After giving each other the 'thumbs up' sign, I was off to the other side of the room to watch as my lion went in for the
kill bid and dragged home the fattest gazelle perfume basket.
In order to fully justify my purchase, I'm planning a perfume party when it gets warm.
Inner Critic is not invited.
Plus, having more full bottles than I can possibly use allows me to include 'give away' tables at random, unexpected times.
This is my way of promoting the joy of perfume, which is a very good cause, indeed. And it sounds a lot better than 'run amok,' don't you think?
image from www.ncans.org