Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Why Do Some Couples Stay Together And Others Don't?
Early this morning, as we read the newspaper and drank stronger-than-average coffee, B-man said, 'wow, Dooce and her husband separated.'
I'm like, 'shut up, what the hell?'
'No, seriously, the article is right here.'
Dooce.com is Heather Armstrong, perhaps The Queen of mommy blogging. I have followed her blog for years and read her musings on marriage, her mental health, her husband, Jon, the birth of their children and everything in between. They seemed to be a couple in love who were walking through each day sharing the challenges of life together.
Yesterday, she announced their separation. Maybe they just need a break and everything will work out. And maybe not.
After reading the article for myself - and feeling like I just found out there is no Santa - I laid the paper down and turned to B-man.
Me: Why are we still together?
B-man: I'm not exactly sure.
Yeah, we love each other, and life is better than ever. But we're no perfect couple. Looking back on our history, there were several turning points when we could have given up, and once that we actually talked about separating. How we dodged that bullet is no longer crystal clear. And now, our hard times seem like mere blips in a complex and rich life together. They exist only to add the appropriate drama, like a clever screenplay that ends well.
This morning, as we tried to sort this out - and ponder why we didn't end up like Heather and Jon, and millions of other couples - a few things came to mind:
1) We learned early on to fight fair.
2) We aren't afraid to laugh at ourselves.
3) We think the same dumb-ass things are funny.
4) We have Happy Snacks whenever they are needed.
5) We make up words and share a language that only we understand.
6) We talk about what's working and what's not until we fix it or get sick of talking about it.
Maybe none of those things are responsible for our 25 years together, I'm not sure. And there's no guarantee that any relationship will last. Plenty of couples split up after 25 years. But today, I'm happy for whatever has kept us together and promise myself not to take the good life for granted.
image from solornavigator.net