Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Why Do Some Couples Stay Together And Others Don't?

Early this morning, as we read the newspaper and drank stronger-than-average coffee, B-man said, 'wow, Dooce and her husband separated.'

I'm like, 'shut up, what the hell?'

'No, seriously, the article is right here.' is Heather Armstrong, perhaps The Queen of mommy blogging.  I have followed her blog for years and read her musings on marriage, her mental health, her husband, Jon, the birth of their children and everything in between.  They seemed to be a couple in love who were walking through each day sharing the challenges of life together.

Yesterday, she announced their separation.  Maybe they just need a break and everything will work out.  And maybe not.

After reading the article for myself - and feeling like I just found out there is no Santa - I laid the paper down and turned to B-man.

Me:  Why are we still together? 

B-man:  I'm not exactly sure. 

Yeah, we love each other, and life is better than ever.  But we're no perfect couple.  Looking back on our history, there were several turning points when we could have given up, and once that we actually talked about separating.  How we dodged that bullet is no longer crystal clear.  And now, our hard times seem like mere blips in a complex and rich life together.  They exist only to add the appropriate drama, like a clever screenplay that ends well.

This morning, as we tried to sort this out - and ponder why we didn't end up like Heather and Jon, and millions of other couples - a few things came to mind:

1)  We learned early on to fight fair.
2)  We aren't afraid to laugh at ourselves.
3)  We think the same dumb-ass things are funny.
4)  We have Happy Snacks whenever they are needed.
5)  We make up words and share a language that only we understand.
6)  We talk about what's working and what's not until we fix it or get sick of talking about it.

Maybe none of those things are responsible for our 25 years together, I'm not sure. And there's no guarantee that any relationship will last.  Plenty of couples split up after 25 years.  But today, I'm happy for whatever has kept us together and promise myself not to take the good life for granted. 

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  1. Glad that you and B-man are tight n' solid. So now I want to know what your Happy Snacks are!

    (Yep, that's it. It's either short comment or a freakin' novel, and I don't have time for that today, too much to do, gotta stop mucking around on da blogs...)

  2. Hi Mals - thanks for the comment - short is always welcome! Actually, Happy Snacks are more about the Happy and less about the Snack. Timed just right, almost anything will work; ice cream, chocolate...and especially Cheetos. I credit them for reversing hissy fits on many occasions.

  3. Glad to hear you two are still together!

    I think a lot of people think they can do better than what they have. This is especially true in big cities and with people under 30.

    But it isn't so much about the absolute best catch you can attract. It's about who you can get along with for the rest of your life.

  4. Hi Joan - you are so right. It's easy to think we can do 'better than what we have.' But what's that really about? Our inability to accept someone for who they are says much more about us than about them, don't you think? Truly liking the person we are with is so's been said love is 'friendship that has caught fire.' Perfect.



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