Last night, Mom visited my dream. Again. This is the third time since she died, for sure, because I've blogged about two others. And it seems like there was one more, but I can't be certain because it's not recorded anywhere.
This is the first time we've had actual dialogue.
When I see her, my heart beats louder and my 'asleep but awake' brain races. 'Oh, my God, it's Mom,' I say to myself. She's sitting at the end of my bed, like a girlfriend at a slumber party.
She says, 'What's up with the grandkids?'
I ask what she means.
'Well, as soon as I knew I would die, I just let go...of all of them.'
I say nothing.
She asks, or says, something about my brother. 'Is he okay?' That's what I heard.
Then, 'I was there on Thursday at eight, and I'll be back again this week.'
Huh. Thursday at eight...morning or night? And will she be back this Thursday at eight, or just some random time this week?
Now, because I have her captive, I quickly search my mind for questions I want to ask.
Me: 'Can you be with us anytime you want?'
Her: 'Not really. I have five other places to go.' I have the feeling that she is responsible for these areas in some way.
Me: 'Are you with your family?'
Her: 'Sometimes.'
I ask if she has seen my sister's former husband, who died years ago.
'No, not yet.'
Me: 'Do you like it there?'
She shrugs slightly and says, 'yeah.' Like I had asked someone here, 'do you like planet Earth?'
Then it was over.
Her easiness - her lightness - has stayed with me throughout the day and given me peace. This is significant because Mom was not a 'light' person. She felt things deeply, heavily, and grieved circumstances she could neither change nor control. This fed her melancholy and frequently, her despair.
But not last night. I saw my mother involved in a life that has importance beyond us. She was not grieving, not sad, but simply in step with a new way of being.
And she'll be back...this week.
image from cknaus.net
Omg!Dad told me about this yesterday...I am envious, happy, encouraged, and did I say envious? It is so lovely to think of her going on; something I question constantly.
ReplyDeleteI am ashamed that I have lost so much faith since losing her...I believe it is yours that allows you to experience these amazing dreams. I wonder what is happening on Thursday at 8:00?
Much love...thanks so much for sharing!
I am so tickled that amongst all the excitment and dreaminess (not quite clear) you managed to ask about my father. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Mermaid, thanks for your comment. I would be thrilled, too, if this was your dream and not mine. She did say something about circumstances needing to be right for her to visit, and I understood that to mean on our end, not hers. But I've lost the words now so all that's left is the feeling. Who knows what could happen Thursday at 8:00? Be ready for anything!
ReplyDeleteAndrea G - good to see you here! I have no idea why I asked about your dad and wondered about that when I woke up. I suspect it's because he is, and will always be a beloved figure in our family. You reflect all that is good about him. I'm glad he was part of this experience.
ReplyDeleteProbably the most rational dream sequence I've heard of. Sometimes I see a boy I knew who died in my dreams, but they never make that much sense.
ReplyDeleteThat's the most rational dream visit I've read. Sometimes I see a boy I knew who died in my dreams, but it never makes that much sense.
ReplyDeleteHi Joan - you're right, dreams are never linear, like this one. That's weird even to me. The responses she gave are so unlike the person she was, so maybe that's the part that doesn't make sense. It was satisfying, though, just to have an encounter that I could understand...and remember.
ReplyDeleteJosephine, your dream moved me quite a lot, possibly because I've wanted to feel since my mum died over 7 years that she has gone somewhere good and is watching over us, yet I have never sensed it, and certainly not in a dream.
ReplyDeleteMichael, thanks so much for your comment. My siblings and my father also long for a visit of this nature from Mom. Ironically, I am the one who least expects it or needs it, really. Not because it isn't welcome, but because I know the afterlife - if there is one - is beyond my control so I don't dwell on it much. There's actually a bit of guilt involved with her visits for that very reason. Still, I feel compelled to share them as they offer...something to counter her being so gone.
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