Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The World's Worst Shopper
I was born without the shopping gene. My sisters have it, my mother had it, hell, even B-man has it. Me? Nope, I don't have it. Aren't we supposed to know what we like, what looks good on us and how pieces go together? Yeah, I don't know any of that. Plus, I'm claustrophobic (knee high boots and tailored clothes make me crazy) and I have fabric texture issues (wool makes me want to hurt myself).
This is me at Macy's today on a long lunch break:
I like the shape of that top but I don't do prints
Those skinny pants are cute but they have 'camel toe' written all over them
Ah, here's a black top that might work...to add to my thousand other black tops
Too bad I don't wear dresses, 'cause I like that one
But if I start wearing dresses, what shoes go with them?
I love that suit...like the others I keep buying but never wear
Cute skirt, but what top do I wear with it?
Love that sweater, but what goes under it?
That jacket looks like I'm trying too hard
Hello muffin top
There are too many choices and now I'm overwhelmed
I could buy stuff then take it back
I wonder if B-man would become my personal shopper
He'll try to sneak in a print, I just know it
I could buy the black top just so I don't feel like a loser
Fuck it, I'm leaving
This shopping scenario is the norm, not the exception. At least I'm certain, once and for all, that my body fits the apple shape profile because I googled it when I got home.
image from masterthenewnet.com