Video: Stupid Perfume Bottles

Who Do You Wear Perfume For?

If asked this question, I would say that I wear it for my own enjoyment and pleasure.  This would only be partially true, but I'd say it anyway.  Otherwise, my perfume collection would seem even weirder than it does now.

The truth is that I wear perfume for myself, but also to claim space in the world, and hopefully to cause enjoyment for others.  Especially B-man.  Every morning, as soon as I'm out of the shower, I put on my selected perfume for the day so that I can twirl through the house, gathering my work stuff on the kitchen counter while B-man is walking Paige. This ensures that he will catch a whiff of my perfume the minute he walks through the door.

When he notices and loves the way I smell, my opinion of any perfume rises much higher than it might otherwise, left to my own fickle nose (sorry, Daphne).  And if I wear a perfume that he doesn't notice right away, or doesn't particularly like (Habanita comes to mind), it's pretty much off my list.    Except for those perfumes that I love, and know he will love eventually if I just keep wearing them.  Think about it.  I love the perfume + B-man loves me + wear him down over time = we both love the perfume.  But this approach can backfire, too.  For example, I lured B-man into loving Sisley's Eau du Soir when I loved it and he didn't.  Now he loves it and I don't. 

Okay, now here's the whole truth.  While I count on B-man's feedback and attention around perfume, if others compliment the same perfume, at work or elsewhere, I love it even more.  In fact, my goal is to stop people in their tracks with my perfume of the day and stun them into speechlessness with its beauty.  Seems reasonable to me.

But wait - that does not mean I will wear perfume that I don't like just because someone else might like it.  Take Paloma Picasso, for example.  I cannot imagine any event for which I want to smell like a horse.  Or Belle en Rykiel.  Or the cinnamon-laced monster of Agent Provocateur L'Agent.  Even if I got tons of compliments. Not gonna happen. Just sayin'.

So yes, I wear perfume for me first, and I hope others find it pleasant, too.  But, I must admit, no validation is as satisfying as hearing B-man's, 'Ahhh,' as he and Paige walk back into the house.  Perfume is a love we have come to share, and his enjoyment of my little habit makes it much more fun. Whatever perfume captures his nose will likely become one of my favorites, too.

Who do you wear perfume for?

image from sodahead.com

Perfume At Work: The Dreaded Email

Last week, I wander down to the 17th floor of my office building to check in with a couple of co-workers and to move my body.  I had been sitting so long through multiple meetings that my ass was asleep.

All of our administrative assistants are located along the inside walls of the building, facing the offices around the perimeter.  They sit in large cubicles that keep them hidden from view.  As I move through the walkway and pass each cubicle, I smell a different perfume boldly claiming its air space.  This delights me, of course, and makes me grateful to work in a 'perfume allowed' environment. 

But then, the dreaded email arrives.  Something about a 'near miss,' and the encouragement to avoid 'strong perfumes.'  I have no idea what either of those things mean.

Well, okay, I get Paloma Picasso and Aromatics and Azuree as strong perfumes, but the near miss?  WTF?  Does someone have severe asthma?  Seizures?  The vapors?  Near miss could mean almost anything and it pisses me off that it's attached to perfume.

What about smoking brakes on the freeway or a dead skunk in the road or the UPS delivery guy in the elevator with mind numbing BO?  They all constitute a 'near miss' for me.  Ban them first, and then we'll talk about perfume.


Image from stylelite.com

'Sorry, We're Out of Smelling Strips'

Twice last week, I walked into different stores, excited for a sniff fest, and found there were no smelling strips to test the perfumes.  Of course, I know what this means (poor management, lack of attention to detail...general cluelessness), but I ask where they are anyway, just to raise the discomfort level and emphasize the absurdity of no smelling strips in a perfume department. I get a variety of responses:

'We ran out - here are some Q-tips.'
'You can either use Q-tips or use space on my arm.'
'We keep ordering them, but they never send any.'

What I want to say: 

Are you f-ing kidding me? 

What I actually say:

'You're out of smelling strips, really?'
'Q-tips, are you serious?'
'Wow, that sucks.'

They apologize and I take the Q-tips and look at them for a moment before sighing my specially reserved 'disappointed that there are no smelling strips' sigh.  Then I lay them on the shelf and walk away.  To date, I have not offered up my suggestion of where they might actually place the Q-tips.

Pet peeve squared.

Image from weiku.com

Obsessed with J. Lo Perfumes

In all of the years that I have obsessed over perfume, I have never  tried Jennifer Lopez perfumes - not even Glow.  I know, right?  Come out from under your rock.  But a couple of weeks ago, my day ended early and, just for fun, I stopped at TJ Maxx to troll the clearance perfume shelf.  Kohl's is next door, and they carry almost all celebrity perfumes. 

And I needed to sniff.

After smelling the latest from Christina Aguilera and Avril Lavigne...please stop making perfumes...I ended up at the J.Lo counter.  Daphne was intrigued by Glow, Glowing and Miami Glow.  Suddenly, I was obsessed by more than just J.Lo's ass, and I mentally put her perfumes on my must-have-in-my-collection list.  Plus, Deseo, also by J.Lo, has received good reviews, so I added that to my list as well.  

All of this prompted the following conversation with B-man:

Me: I love Glow and must have it now.  Plus, I love this, too (I had sprayed both Glow and Glowing on my skin).  What do you think?

B-man:  Ooh, that's really nice (referring to Glow).  The other one is nice, too, but it smells like your Bath and Body Works lotion.

Me:  Uh-huh.  I already bought Deseo unsniffed, but now I'm not sure I like it.  What do you think?  (I hold the bottle up to him.)

B-man:  Wow, that would actually smell good on me.  If you don't want it, I do.

Me:  Really?  Never thought of that.  Now it will become my very favorite.

B-man:  You're such a middle child.

Me:  Hey, I also bought this 4-pack of J-Lo roll-ons.  Love and Light, Love and Glamour, Glow and Miami Glow.  You're never going to believe this, but it was on the clearance shelf for $7.00!  I wasn't sure whether or not to buy it.

B-man:  Why? Did you think I would care about a $7 perfume purchase?

Me:  Ah, no, it's not you. It's Inner Farm Girl.

B-man: I can't imagine even Inner Farm Girl would care about $7 perfume.

Me:  You're kidding, right?  She doesn't flat out say NO, but she needs reasons.  More than one.

B-man:  Oh, boy. 

Me:  So I told her...it was an opportunity to try more than one...now I'll know if I want a full bottle...it only makes sense to be frugal and it was the absolute last one and ridiculously on sale.

B-man: And?

Me:  She had nothin'.

B-man:  Good job.

Image from biography.com