Friday, November 16, 2012

The Hierarchy of Flying

I spent most of last week in Washington DC and flew on three planes in the process.  On the first two, the following announcement was made from the cockpit:

'Two restrooms are located in the back of the plane and one in the front cabin.  Sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.'

But on the third and final plane, the announcement was a bit different:

'Two restrooms are located in the back section of the plane and one in the front cabin.  Please use the restroom in the cabin you are sitting in.  You may use the front restroom, but only if the two in the back are occupied.  If you must use the front restroom, please stand behind the first class section, at row number 10.  We cannot have a line forming in the first class section.  Thanks for your cooperation.'

I'm in coach.  I actually said, 'wow' out loud. 

My translation of this overhead message:  'Look, peasants, you get what you pay for.  Now just keep your moldy asses in coach because we don't want to deal with your pedestrian behavior.  You'll probably piss all over the toilet seat anyway.  Honestly, I don't know why we carry anything other than first class passengers - it's so annoying.  Just shut up and thank your lucky stars that we even let you on the plane.

Here's the worst part:  If I pay to sit in first class, I don't want the moldy asses of coach passengers using my very special bathroom, either. 

Yeah, I know.  Wow. 

image from


  1. What's so wow about the first class' bathroom? Bunwarmers maybe?
    On the rare times that I fly and HAD TO use the potty they always seemed very closely related to Porta-Potties.
    I always prefer to wait til the airport as sudden turbulence could get very...messy.

    1. Hi Jennifer and welcome! I suspect the bathrooms are exactly the same (you're right about turbulence) and none are a pleasant experience. Perhaps the issue is having those in the 'lower class' enter the first class sanctum without permission. Who do they think they are?

  2. I recently flew in a plane too small to have water in the bathroom. They had a squirt bottle of hand sanitizer instead. Ew. Just ew.



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