Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Next Chapter: Staring Into My Future

I'm still processing.

Five months ago, the organization in which I've built a 15 year career informed me that due to a major restructure, my role and many others would be 'sunset.'  That's corporate speak for shitcanned. After helping with the transition and finding no other fit, May 1st marks the beginning of a self-imposed one year sabbatical from work.     

I have no idea what to do with myself.

Last Friday, determined to be useful, I come home with new comforters for the beds because it seems like the right thing to do.  On Saturday, I return them, but not without visiting Burlington to cruise perfumes.  Then I go to the Rite-Aid by our home...yet again...which is in the process of going out of business.  Perfume discounts are 50%, but the lonesome check-out lady says everything will be discounted 90% the last two days before closing.  That isn't for another week so I keep stalking their cheap perfumes just in case they pull a fast one and start the 90% off without telling me.  

Yesterday, my raison d'etre is to find a body lotion that smells mild and won't clash with the cheap perfumes I buy at Rite Aid.  So I wander around Target with other people who wander around Target mid-day on Monday only to feel annoyed with both the people and their scintillating phone conversations:

'What am I doing?'
'I'm just in Target doing a little shopping.'
'What are you doing? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.'
'I really shouldn't be much longer - can I call you then?'
'Okay...what?  I didn't hear you...what?'

You're killing me.

When I first learn my job is ending, I try coping mechanisms that helped in the past: solitary time in the morning burning candles, writing in my journal and then brief meditation. One month in, my journal has become the Book of Misery and I start talking back to the guided meditation. 'YOU focus on your breath.'  It clearly isn't working. 

Perfume is the only thing that always works.

Nothing else enters my brain when I'm playing with perfume.  It is the rest that I hope to get from meditation...focus without effort, beauty through aroma and a shift in mood. Since December, I have added 20-30 perfumes to my collection.  Inner Farm Girl isn't happy, but most are mainstream and relatively inexpensive so she hasn't snapped just yet. If she does, I will blame YouTube...Shana J, Ami Loves Perfume, BeautyNotes, Tiff Benson and others. They have amped up my love affair with perfume, made me laugh and helped my anxiety come down so I could sleep at night.  They don't know it, but they saved me.

This blog began as a tribute to my mother and a celebration of perfume.  Now I am back to share my journey as a displaced baby boomer contemplating life's next step with the help of a little sillage.

Image from lovethispic.com  

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