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| Paige eyeballing my new samples |
Morning weather is messing with me lately.
Not just because it's January, but because the landscape reminds me of last year when each day was greeted by the realization that Mom was in hospice care and slowly fading from our reach.
Not just because it's January, but because the landscape reminds me of last year when each day was greeted by the realization that Mom was in hospice care and slowly fading from our reach.
Yesterday, I found myself standing in a stairwell that looks out over the city. I remembered how many times I left work to be with her, to connect one last time.
Never knowing which time was going to be the last.
At work, I am surrounded by people who assume I am over losing my mother. She died almost a year ago, after all.
The rest of the world is over it.
Last night, after working late - exhausted and hungry - I called B-man on my way home, happy just to hear his voice. 'Hi, little monkey,' he said, all sympathetic. He had cooked pasta and chicken, which was waiting for my arrival.
Mmmm.
When I walked in the door, I saw a Fed-X package on the kitchen counter from my cousin, Chelie. She has been following this blog.
Chelie owns a high-end boutique in another state and she, too, is a perfumista, as it turns out.
She also just happens to carry the L'Artisan line and sent me a collection of samples.
Talk about feeling twirly.
Food will wait.
My 'care package' includes:
Ananas Fizz
Piment Brulant
Poive Piquant
Mimosa Pour Moi
Mure et Musc
La Chasse Aux Papillions
Premier Figuier
Through the coming month, and the anniversary of Mom's death, I expect my memories and my grief to be close to the surface.
How wonderful it was to be touched by the familiar kindness of a loved one at exactly the right moment.
Through perfume, no less.
photo my own
"Care package" is such a brilliant term for your samples! And no, you should *not* be over the loss of your mother this soon - not after one year, after two - or any specified time. Though it sounds as if more people realise this truth than you first thought...
ReplyDelete: - )
Enjoy your samples - and I hope Paige doesn't chew the cards!
Nice package Josephine. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI feel quite similarly to you at this time of year. My mother passed away on 22 January 2005, so this is quite a sensitive time for me and my family. It will be 6 years this January, but in some ways it doesn't make it any easier - the pain diminishes with time, but those memories don't, which in a way is a good thing, but does make it difficult.
All the best
There is no timetable for grief. Grief isn't a train you catch at the station, where it comes at the appointed time and you stay on until you reach your destination, and then you get off, having done with the train.
ReplyDeleteGrief is organic. It grows in unexpected ways, it circles in on itself, the burden becomes unexpectedly light and then heavy again.
Sending warm thoughts.
How wonderful to recieve a suprise to brighten your day!
ReplyDeleteThere is already too much misery in January and grieving on top of that is too much for anyone. If only I could send a warm breeze and sunshine your way...
Like your own, my mother died in January, which does not much at all to improve on an already craptacular month. Don't worry that everyone else seems "over it" - sorrow knows only its own time and space and rhythm, and just let it...flow. Some days will be good, and some will be bad, but above all, some days bring the unexpected ray of sunshine - even in the dismal, dreary dead of winter.
ReplyDeleteJust take a little comfort in the fact that if we could, we'd send much more in our comments! Joy can still be found in all sorts of unexpected places - even in the blogosphere! :)
There is a quote that, to me, has always expressed what I felt about a loss, "where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night." I don't think the hole goes away ever, we just gradually become a little more adept at avoiding it, maybe.
ReplyDeleteWill be looking forward to your reviews of the scents!
Hi Vanessa - I suspect never to be 'over' the loss of my mother - I am forever changed - but hope for the intensity to decrease over time. Thanks for your ongoing support.
ReplyDeleteMichael, I'm sure the time of year always calls up memories of your mother. It will for me, too. Thanks for your warm wishes.
Hi muse - it's so true that some days I'm incredibly okay and others, not so much. It 'circles on itself' just like you say. Thanks for your thoughts.
JoanElaine, your comment is always like sunshine and a warm breeze. Thanks so much.
Tarleisio, I'm sorry about your mother and know that you understand this process. Yes, there is so much comfort to be found right here.
Marina, thanks for the wonderful quote - it is so true! I hope to become more adept, over time, at walking around it. Thanks for stopping by.
Awww, my homme calls me Monkey too! Yay for animal pet names. I'm glad you're feeling better! Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHi Elisa! Yes, I have many animal nicknames - little monkey, rabbit, baby rat and many more...god, it's embarrassing, really.
ReplyDeleteBut I love them.
I am feeling better - thanks so much for your comment! And hugs.