Saturday, December 4, 2010

Flirting Guidelines & Perfumes That Flirt

Elisa, over at The French Exit, got me thinking about flirting. 

Personally, I see flirting as an intellectual sport that one must practice regularly to be proficient.

B-man and I encourage each other to flirt at every opportunity. This keeps us in shape to flirt with each other.  Sometimes, though, I have to let B-man know that he is being flirted with, because he assumes everyone is just friendly, like him. 

Actually, I enjoy flirting with both men and women.  While sexy, it is neither physical nor romantic. In other words, flirting itself is not a means to an end or a bridge to the next step.

Flirting is a stimulating brain romp with someone you find attractive. 

Josephine's Guidelines For Successful Flirting

1.  Play It Cool.  This is of utmost importance.  One must take the time to read human behavior, such as the flirtee's style and humor and method of interacting.  Jumping in too soon has the feel of desperation and increases your chances of failure.  A certain amount of reserve is very powerful...and magnetic.

2.  Say one provocative thing.  All you want to do here is pique the flirtee's interest in a way that no one else has.  This may be through humor or offering a counter opinion to the subject matter at hand.  It may also be a random reflection on something you heard the flirtee say.  If you have observed properly, you will know what this is and when to step in. 

3.  Smell Really Good.  You want to create a trail of sillage everywhere you go without overpowering the room.  Your flirtee will be drawn to you without realizing it's because you smell so damn good.  The right perfume, at the right time, will speak volumes.

4.  Make eye contact.  Listen as if everything your flirtee says is fascinating.  Use a small nod, smile or head cock when they say something you really like.  But keep your gestures subtle and maintain private physical space.  There is no touching.

5.  Ask a question, or make a comment, that takes the conversation where you want it to go.  Again, this works best if it is connected to something the flirtee has already said.  For example, 'what's your theory on that?' or  'what you said made me wonder if...' will invite discussion and allow you to reveal a bit more about yourself.  But just a bit.

6.  Food and wine are both sexy - make the most of it.  Ask your flirtee if they have tried one of the hors d' oeuvres or make a comment about the aperitif.  This will open the door for entertaining conversation.

7.  Find opportunities to be self-deprecating.  Only confident people can do this.  And confidence is very important to the successful flirting encounter.  Let your flirtee discover that you are smart, funny and interesting on his or her own. Show them, don't tell them.

8.  Make sure your flirtee observes you in animated conversation with others.  Do this after you have made a connection.   He or she will spend the entire event gravitating to where you are.  Flirting satisfaction depends partially upon who is being pursued.  That should be you.

9.  If you are in a committed relationship, mention your partner occasionally and positively.  This creates safety and freedom in flirting.  Knowing you are loved well by another makes you that much more appealing.  If your flirtee's partner happens to be attending the event, introduce yourself openly and graciously to diffuse potential jealousy. 

10.  End the encounter with warmth and finality.  Let the flirtee know how much they have contributed to your experience.  Do not exchange contact information.  Do not walk them outside.  Leave them only with the enigmatic memory of you.  Maybe you'll see them again, maybe you won't.  That's so not the point.

Ten Perfumes That Flirt For You:

10 Corso Como
Agent Provocateur
Ambre Sultan
Burberry Brit
Jean-Paul Gaultier Classique
Kenzo L'Elephant
White Aoud

Picture from


  1. I love this! You are speaking my language. Especially this part: "Actually, I enjoy flirting with both men and women. While sexy, it is neither physical nor romantic. In other words, flirting itself is not a means to an end or a bridge to the next step."

  2. I have to repeat Elisa's comment - I love this! :)
    I found myself nodding and smiling at a lot of things you said. Although I should add I believe I flirt much more with men than women, I seem to have a slight problem communicating normally with most women I come into contact with.
    You know which perfume I will forever link with good flirting - Valentino Rock and Rose. I was wearing it once at a party where I did some successful flirting and now it's forever embedded in my mind with that. :)

  3. Elisa, I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for kicking off this topic! The art of flirting is important - and one of those things people don't talk to much about. Like menopause. What's up with that?

  4. Ines, thanks for your comment! Earlier in my life, I had difficulty communicating well with women, too. But I finally realized that was about me, not them. Once I opened my own mind, I found that the women in my life were a great resource of information and fun. Still, I don't have a lot of close female friends - by choice - it's too time intensive. But I have learned how to enjoy them more. And they often understand the dance of flirting much better than men.

    The Valentino perfume you mention is not that surprising. I have a sample and, while not really my thing, I can see how it could be a great flirting partner!

  5. Great article you have posted in here. Try or use pheromones attract women. My cousin using it and he said it's effective for attracting women. :)



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